The Silence of Men: How We Lost the Art of Opening Up

Where it started to shift

As we moved from land to factory, from field to office, our way of life changed - and so did our way of connecting.The Industrial Revolution took men out of community and put them into competition.

Fathers stopped working beside sons. Wisdom stopped passing down informally. Apprenticeships became clock-ins. Elders became managers.

And emotions? In most workplaces, they became liabilities.The working man was suddenly measured — by his output, his wage, his status.Showing emotion — vulnerability, anxiety, even joy — started to look like weakness. And so we hardened.

This isn’t opinion.

It’s history.

The Facts

The psychological weight of silence according to research by Dr. James Mahalik and Dr. Michael Addis, men are more likely to suppress emotions when they perceive them as a threat to traditional masculine roles — particularly in competitive or hierarchical environments.In fact, studies show men are less likely to seek help or open up when they feel the need to conform to masculine norms like:

• Emotional control
• Self-reliance
• Risk-taking
• Dominance

(Source: Addis & Mahalik, 2003 – American Psychologist)

Even today, men report that their deepest conversations happen during shared activity — walking, driving, building — rather than during face-to-face dialogue.

We’re wired for shoulder-to-shoulder communication. We always have been.

But in a world that prioritised efficiency over connection, we lost the rhythm.

What we lost - and what we can bring back

We lost the small talk that became big talk. The hand on the shoulder. The unsaid wisdom passed down across a field.We lost our elders as guides. We lost one another.

And now? We sit in silence.Scrolling. Coping. Trying to hold it all together.Until something gives.

This week, we remember.

We remember the time before the silence.We remember that conversation doesn’t always look like confession.

That masculinity doesn’t mean muting yourself.And that strength isn’t how much you carry — it’s knowing when to put it down.

This is where the conversation begins.

Want to talk about it?

Join us in our Heads & Threads Facebook group, or come along to one of our in-person retreats.No pressure. No fix-it culture. Just real men, showing up as they are.

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